I happen to chance upon this article by J Cheong who is the Founder, Editor & Creative Director of Jcatalogue, and she writes about love and life.
This article is simply so true and beautifully written I felt the urge to share it.
When I was a little girl, I had a very simple notion of love. He’d be tall, dark and handsome. But growing up, I was told there were many different types of men – the Bad boy, Mr. Nice Guy, the Alpha Male. The list goes on. These categories are nothing more than meaningless stereotypes. In life, every girl really only dates three men:
1. Youth – the right person you meet at the wrong time
He’s the one who wrote you love letters. He’s the one who tried to get your number at school. He’s the one who won your heart through childish means. He’s the one you took long train/bus rides with. He’s the one who stole all your firsts – your first date, your first hand-hold, your first kiss, your first walk home, your first couple item. But he is also the first you lose. Not because you didn’t love him. But because growing up, you realize that in life, some stay and others go, and that sometimes we don’t just grow up, we also grow apart. Youth – he was your first lover. He was your first heartbreak.
2. Love – the right person you meet at the right time
He’s the stranger-turned-best friend. He’s the one that made you realize why things didn’t work out previously. He’s the one that made the past heartbreak(s) worthwhile.
He’s the boy who doesn’t just send you home, but enters home hand-in-hand with you. He’s the boy you date at home. The one you cuddle at home while watching movies. He’s the one you’d even bother watching soccer for. He’s the one who holds your hand in town when you’re all glamorously made up but he’s also the one who cuddles you when you’re in bed without make up. He’s the one you grow up with. You know it it’s true when you witness how dates switched from crowded bus/train rides to a private ride in his car.
Unlike Youth, Love knows you inside out. He always knows when you need a shoulder to lean on, an ear to rant to, or a hand to reach out to. He’s the boy you’re proud to bring home to your parents. He’s protective like your father, annoying like your brother but loving like no other. He’s the boy you see a future with. He’s the boy you willingly forsake all other boys for. For the lucky girl, Love is also the boy you grow old with. For the average girl, Love simply is the one that got away.
3. Marriage – the wrong person you meet at the right time
If you’re the girl who got to marry and grow old with Love, stop here. For Love = Marriage and the rest is irrelevant to you. If not, read on.He’s the financially stable one. He’s the career man. He’s the one who wakes up donned in a work suit and oxfords. He may not surprise you like Love did. He may not excite you like Youth did. He may not be as cute and dashing as Youth or as fun and passionate as Love, but for once in your life, you worry less about growing apart while growing up. For once in your life, you’re less worried about baring yourself to someone only to be torn apart.
By the time you meet Marriage, you recognize love isn’t sufficient to sustain a relationship. You recognize that fun and looks don’t last. By the time you meet Marriage, you’ve gone through sufficient heartbreaks to want to be spared another.
Marriage is ultimately the one you spend the rest of your life with. Not because he’s passionate, not because being with him is fun but because he’s what you need – the stable partner who publicly promises to grow old with you, in illness or health, riches or poor, for better or worse.
A lot of us believe true love is about finding the “Right” one. But true love really is more a matter of timing. He may have been right at 19 but he may no longer be the right one at 27. More often than not, we lose our loved ones because we grow apart while growing up.
Just like how time made wrong your relationship with Mr. Right, time too can make right “the wrong one”. And with time, you realize Marriage wasn’t the right one at the right time, because he is the right one forever.